The Frontier Within

“Our challenges define us, our reactions to them mold and shape us.” (p. 51) I’ve read those words several times, now, but it wasn’t until this most recent reading of Oliver van De Mille’s, “A Thomas Jefferson Education,” that I saw my challenges in a different light. I have a choice, to let my challenges beat me or to beat them. The Lord didn’t send me here to be beat. He sent me here to discover and my potential and reach for it with all my energy. Our challenges are to fight against physical, mental, and spiritual atrophy. De Mille calls this, “the frontier within.” (p. 51) Brutal reality tells me than my frontier has at least three major challenges. First, I need to make the changes in myself that I would like others to make, in this case, my children. Second, as I make changes and begin to really have “aha” moments, I need to share them with my children. And third, I need to practice what De Mille calls, “Socratic self-restraint.” The world will provide my children with enough criticism—I need to be their biggest cheerleader. These concepts, to me, embody the Thomas Jefferson Principle of Inspire, Not Require.

Oft times I find myself expecting my children to have qualities that I do not exhibit. I yell if they do not obey right away, but expect them not to yell if they are frustrated when not immediately responded to. I tell them not to compare themselves to their siblings, but they hear me on the phone comparing them to one another. I apply the “Tough Noogies” rule if we have something for dinner that they do not like, but I refuse to eat Ramen noodles when we have them for lunch. I expect them to write in their learning journals each day, yet haven’t written in mine for over a week. And then I wonder why my children act the way they do. I don’t know who said it, but the saying goes, “Your actions scream so loudly at me, I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Since my latest reading of TJEd, I have begun to really examine what my actions are teaching my children. I watch myself, as if an outsider, and ask myself what I would like my children to learn from watching me. I then respond in the appropriate manner, allowing myself to reflect and adjust when necessary.

I often get excited about my “aha” moments, but rarely do I share them with Todd or the kids. I assume that they won’t understand what I’m so excited about, or that they will think I’m silly for my excitement. Sometimes I want so much for them to have the same “aha” moment as I had that I try to plan out the teaching moment perfectly. By the time I actually have a chance to share it, I cannot remember anymore why I thought they would appreciate it. My excitement has waned. My spark is gone. I cannot spread the fire of inspiration without a spark. What is important is not that someone have my “aha” moment, but that someone desires to have their own “aha” moment. I have begun to share my excitement, even if it comes out in indecipherable shouts of sweet success. My family may not know why I am excited, just that because of my hard work and perseverance, I am excited!

I loved the way De Mille used the phrase, “Socratic self-restraint.” He follows with this: “Be positive and use restraint; you are simply a resource, not a critic: Focus on content, not technique.” (p.51) Too often, I have told my children, “Well, that’s great, but it would have been better if …” or, “You’re right about that, but it is spelled like this …” or, “I like what you have here, but don’t you think it would sound more exciting if . . .?” They walk away thinking, “Can’t I do anything right? I’m not good at this. I always mess up. I’m not as smart as _______. I don’t want to show her next time I write something. I don’t think I will try again,” instead of walking away thinking, “My mom loves what I do. I am a great learner. I am a talented writer. My thoughts are worth something. I can produce good work. I want to do it again. I’ll do even better next time. I’ll blow Mom out of the water!” I was glad to understand Love to Learners better than before in this aspect. And because I am in the Love to Learn Phase, I can ask myself the questions, “What do I want people to say when they read my papers? What responses make me want to try harder and keep fighting for a great education? How can I respond to my children in a way that shows my confidence in them?”

These concepts of Starting with Self, Sharing my excitement, and Socratic Self-Restraint may seem elementary. But every concept that it is possible to learn in life has many layers of understanding. They are similar to the Phases of Learning. I have found another layer to the concept of Inspire, Not Require in my own life. True application of this principle is what will boost me to the higher thought processes that I am searching for. Sometimes we think we know where we want to be, but we don’t know how to get there. I still have a lot of questions, but focusing on applying these principles has been revelatory and refreshing to me. My challenges can still be frightening, but no longer are they the enemy.