The Taming of the Shrew

In Shakespeare’s play, The Taming of the Shrew, there are two beautiful sisters who are upper-class young maidens-in-waiting. The oldest sister, Katherine is known by everyone as foul tempered, sharp tongued and disobedient. Her sister, Bianca is seen as a sweet, soft-spoken, well-behaved and obedient daughter to her doting father, Signor Baptista Minola. But we soon find out that appearances are not always what they seem.

It becomes apparent that there is an intense sibling rivalry between the two sisters and that Bianca is given preferential treatment by everyone because Katherine is known as “the shrew.” No potential suitor who knows Katherine wants to have anything to do with her and they all flock to seek Bianca’s hand in marriage, but Baptisa lays down the law and won’t let any man woo Bianca until Katherine is married off first. The play never reveals the reasons for Katherine’s wrath, but clearly she was unhappy and miserable. It seems it was easy for Bianca to become her father’s favorite when her sister was struggling.

I remember as a child that often when my siblings were in trouble, I felt happiness and satisfaction that I wasn’t the one getting scolded. I enjoyed being on top when they were down. I thought I found success because of their failures. On a daily basis, I notice how several of my children take turns behaving like shrews and angels. When one or more children are misbehaving, the others act sugary sweet, and then when the angelic siblings are found struggling and behaving like shrews, the one(s) who previously had behavioral issues instantly sweeten up. It is like a pendulum that swings back and forth and rarely can a time be found when every child in the family is feeling good about him/her-self and others, all at the same time. Why does it have to be like this? Isn’t it possible to have a win-win situation and not have to compete for your parent’s approval through your sibling’s downfalls? It appears that this is a common human tendency that a child feels “up” only when his sibling is “down” and some adults never grow up and get past this kind of behavior with others. From the book by C. Terry Warner, Bonds that Make You Free, he states that “to the immature, others are not real.” Maybe this is one key that can help us understand why the immature have difficulty in feeling compassion for another’s struggle.

At the same time, it can be a temptation for parents to consistently build up the child that is eager to please and to maintain a general negative attitude with the child that is frequently difficult to deal with as was the case with Signor Baptista Minola and his two daughters. No one expected Katherine to ever be anything but a shrew all her life, and who would have expected anything but virtue and sweetness from Bianca?

Bianca had the opportunity to tell her new tutor, Cambio, that she did not want to have anything to do with his dishonesty when he revealed himself to really be Lucentio, a rich nobleman from Pisa . Instead, she goes along with his charades and secretly gets married to him without her father’s knowledge that he is the “real” Lucentio.

Meanwhile, Katherine allows herself to become tamed by her new husband, Petruchio, and is the only one that is obedient and loving to her husband when he calls for her in the presence of a celebration gathering. Katherine has become a refined, dignified woman who encourages her sister and her former suitor’s new wife to humble their pride and stop being so foolish as to “offer war where they should kneel for peace; or seek for rule, supremacy and sway when they are bound to serve, love and obey.”

Petruchio saw beyond the label that others had assigned to Katherine. He didn’t pay attention to everyone who ridiculed him for marrying Katherine and helping her to become the lovely young woman that was hidden inside of her. It would have been interesting to see had Shakespeare continued the play, if Bianca would have ended up becoming more like a shrew in her marriage to Lucentio now that her sister had become more “pure” as the name Katherine implies.

And as parents of children who struggle with not feeling good about themselves unless their siblings are down, or who struggle with children who have an abundance of less desirable character traits, we need to remember that our children will live up to whatever we believe they can become. Beneath the undesirable behavior is a beautiful person that can rejoice in being someone special and who can value their siblings’successes and feel true empathy for their struggles.